


these sweet nothings leave a bitter taste

by orphan_account



Series: patchwork pride and a frayed conscience [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Brief thoughts of suicide, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Not A Happy Ending, Past Abuse, also, asexual hanji is best hanji, go read the thing that comes after this timeline wise, in this at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2018-01-26 10:51:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1685669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A prequel to "ten years to forgive, ten years to forget"</p>
<p>“So I heard you have an adoring freshman who drools over your every word and the two of you are head over heels for each other.” Erwin had that infuriating smirk he always has on and it pisses Levi off so much.</p>
<p>“Shut up. The brat just sits with me on the roof sometimes it’s not a big deal.” Levi grumbled, slipping into the seat behind Erwin. </p>
<p>“You let him sit with you? When’s the wedding? Do you have a color scheme yet?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	these sweet nothings leave a bitter taste

It was the beginning of his junior year when Levi first met Eren.

Two weeks into the school year and Levi was already skipping class to smoke on the roof. He liked to sit alone up there, feet dangling off the end of the building as he contemplated how much he hated school, last year he almost had to stay back for the amount of times he cut class but somehow he managed to get away with it. 

He heard the door open but didn’t pay much attention. Sometimes Hanji or Erwin would bother him up here and he generally just ignored them. He did pay attention, however, when he heard a surprised “Oh. I didn’t know anyone was up here,” that was definitely not Hanji _or_ Erwin.

Levi turned to look at the intruder, casually exhaling smoke as he gave the kid a once over. 

The kid was either a freshman or a transfer student since Levi didn’t recognize him from years past. He had tan skin and shaggy brown hair that looked like it hadn’t been brushed in years. He was tall, taller than Levi but that wasn’t really something to brag about since most people were. What really caught Levi’s attention was his eyes, bright green, or maybe blue, and so alive. 

“Do you mind if I join you?” were the words that pulled Levi out of his inspection.

“Do whatever you want.” Levi told him, turning his back. He didn’t know what he was expecting when the kid asked to join him, but it certainly wasn’t for him to actually _join_ him. Levi was generally viewed as unapproachable just by the aura he gave off, and if there weren’t scared by his general demeanor then the glares he shot at the usually did the trick.

The kid wasn’t scared by his aura, and he wasn’t shooed off by his glares. Well, he had told the kid to do whatever he wanted, but he honestly didn’t think he’d have the balls to plop right down next to him. Which was exactly what he did. 

Despite the glare Levi fixed on him the kid’s mood didn’t seem to get any worse. He fixed his big blue-green eyes on Levi and said the most appalling thing to Levi.

“You know you can get in trouble for smoking on school property.” 

Levi raised a dark eyebrow at him, “What’re you going to do? Arrest me?” he took another drag from his cigarette as if to prove he didn’t care (which he didn’t), “You know… You can get in trouble for skipping class.” 

The kid fucking smiled at him like he had just told him Christmas had come early. “Yeah I know, but you’re skipping class too right? So you’d be in more trouble than me ‘cause you’re also smoking.” Jesus he hated this brat already. “I’m Eren, by the way.” 

He stuck out a hand as a greeting but Levi didn’t take it. Instead he stood up and crushed the butt of his cigarette of the roof of the school and started to leave. Just as he was about to close the door to the roof, to add dramatic effect, he introduced himself like a suave motherfucker. “Levi.” Was all he was willing to give before the door swung shut, leaving Eren staring like he had just seen Jesus come back from the grave.

✿

Eren started frequenting the roof at the same time as Levi. It was almost creepy, no more than five minutes after Levi came up to the roof he was sure that the brunette would be there as well. It was almost endearing.

After Levi’s smooth as fuck exit at their first meeting the kid seemed to idolize him. He was all big eyes and pink blushes as he tried to discreetly watch Levi out of the corner of his eye. It was almost cute. 

It was almost endearing. It was almost cute. It was mostly annoying.

✿

After three weeks of Eren visiting him on the roof Levi thought he was safe from Hanji or Erwin coming up, finding him, and teasing him. There was no doubt that if they found out about the freshman with a hero complex (of some sort) they would never let him hear the end of it.

He wasn’t that lucky.

It was right after lunch, and Levi was sitting on the roof with Eren attempting to hold a conversation with him. He had started trying after a week of awkward glances, but he wasn’t getting very far. Levi remained silent and impassive to all of his attempts. Today he was rambling about his sister or something, he seemed to talk about her a lot. Generally complaining about how ‘over protective’ she was of him and how he was starting to get sick of it. 

Today he was telling Levi about a time when his sister punch a guy in the face for asking him out in seventh grade. Levi would never admit he was listening. 

Right when Eren was getting to the good part, when the teacher showed up and his sister—Mikasa, he thinks, that’s what her name was— almost punched him too, Hanji bursts onto the roof. 

“Levi!” she shouts, drawing out the vowels. Eren jumps and looks like he’s about to shit himself, while Levi just sighs and resigns himself to his fate. No getting out of this now. Hanji begins talking animatedly, not quite having notice Eren yet, and she walks towards you. “Levi you’ll never guess what Erwin just said! He told me that- Oh.” She pauses, finally seeing Eren, “Levi! Who’s this cutie and why have you kept him from me?” 

“This is Eren.” Levi introduces lamely, waving his cigarette around, “And I haven’t kept him from you Jesus woman, he just sits here sometimes.” Sometimes meaning all the time. “Now what did Erwin say?” He futilely tries to drag her attention away from the kid sitting next to him, but it doesn’t work. 

“Wow Levi you’ve really found a keeper, look at him! He’s well built, look at that tan! And those _eyes_! If I wasn’t asexual I’d have him take me right now. Hun, are you okay with a no-sex relationship?” 

Levi turns his eyes to Eren, the poor kid is bright red at all of Hanji’s comments. A snicker left his lips and Eren’s eyes went from horrified and locked on Hanji, to surprised and locked on Levi. As if he forgot the other brunette was even there he said, “You should laugh more often. It really suits you.” 

Levi and Eren locked gazes for a while before Hanji whispered, “Oh my god he’s a keeper. I have to tell Erwin” and darted off. This seemed to snap Eren out of his little daze and he averted his eyes, blushing furiously. 

The two of them sat in silence for a while until Levi decided he should probably go see how many lies Hanji told to Erwin.

✿

“So I heard you have an adoring freshman who drools over your every word and the two of you are head over heels for each other.” Erwin had that infuriating smirk he always has on and it pisses Levi off so much.

“Shut up. The brat just sits with me on the roof sometimes it’s not a big deal.” Levi grumbled, slipping into the seat behind Erwin. 

“You let him sit with you? When’s the wedding? Do you have a color scheme yet?” 

“Shut the fuck up Erwin, the kid’s just persistent that’s all. I don’t even talk to him, I think I’ve said all of three words to him, that’s it.” 

“Three whole words… Wow this Eren kid really must be persistent.” Erwin chuckled. 

Levi let out a frustrated groan as the bell rang, and the teacher stood up at the front of the classroom to teach. “Fuck off.” He muttered, pretending to pay attention to the teacher who was droning about some white guy fucking things up in history again.

✿

It took a week after his conversation with Erwin before he actually started talking to Eren. He was going off about this kid names Jean who couldn’t keep his mouth shut and looked like a horse. 

“You know, I never thought that humans could breed with animals you know? Like genetically that shouldn’t be possible but here he is, Jean fucking Kirstein. A mix between a horse and man. Maybe his ancestors were centaurs or something… Only they probably had horse heads and not horse bodies. You know?”

“No. I don’t know, actually.” 

Eren was about to continue on with his rant before he realized that Levi had actually spoken. He looked so over joyed that he had actually spoke that he didn’t care that he had said the least helpful thing ever. His green eyes lit up as he started to explain his thought process even more.

“Well, his face is what makes me think of a horse. It’s long and… you know those awkward jaw ball thing horses have? Yeah his jaw kind of reminds me of that sometimes. So he’s probably the descendant of a horse headed being. Besides, if it was an actual centaur it’s have a horse dick and I don’t think that would work...”

“What if the man impregnated the centaur?” Levi asked, mostly disinterested but it was amusing to see the kid mulling over this whole concept. 

“You know what, you’re right. I’ve never thought of that!” Eren’s grinning at Levi like he just gave him the answer to the universe.

✿

After the Jean the Horse incident Levi started actually talking to Eren and each time he spoke more and more till eventually it became normal for the two of them to just lay on their backs and talk for entire class periods. They talked about everything and nothing. Eren told him all about his sister, reiterated stories he thought Levi hadn’t paid attention too and was too proud to tell him he had been listening to it all. He told him about Armin, about Marco and Jean who were so head over heels for each other but wouldn’t admit it. 

Sometimes he would ask Levi about his life, but Levi would never get to personal. He usually just complained about Hanji or Erwin, sometimes school, sometimes other assfucks in their school. Eren never pressed for anything more and Levi was glad. 

One day they were both in silence, a rare occurrence but never unwelcomed. Levi was on his back smoking but Eren was sitting up, legs hanging off of the side of the building. He looked deep in thought so Levi didn’t interrupt, he just observed. It was the last period of the day and on this side of the building the sun was just barely starting go down, putting it in the perfect place to make Eren’s hair glow. _He almost looks like an angel._ he mused. Then Eren spoke and shattered everything.

“What do you think would happen if I just…. Tipped forward.” He turned a sad look to Levi, and it was then that he noticed that he was fiddling with a key strung around his neck. “If I just let myself fall.”

Levi sat up, not looking the kid in the eye for a while, before turning an equally sad look back to him. “Mikasa would probably cry, that coconut head Armin too. Heck that horseface would probably be upset.” Eren just stared at him, and god damn it Levi was not equipped with the social grace to handle a situation like this. The two of them started at each other for a long time before Levi broke eye contact. His eyes fell on the ground four stories below them. He continued speaking quietly. “Hanji’s heart would break, Erwin has a control of his emotions but he’d be affected too. A whole bunch of strangers would talk about how beautiful your life was and how this wasn’t the way you were supposed to go.” His voice just dropped volume as he spoke, until he was speaking in barely a whisper when he said, “I’d be upset.” 

He turned his attention back to Eren, who was looking at him with that same sad look, but a small smile was on his face and somehow Levi knew it was genuine. 

The two of them looked out at the horizon, and Eren leaned slightly so that his shoulder was pressed against Levi’s. When Levi pressed back Eren got bolder and put his head on his shoulder. Levi didn’t push him away, and just let him rest there as he wondered if there was something else he should say. He didn’t know the situation, and he didn’t know what had brought these thoughts to this seemingly ever-chipper boy. It was always the happy ones…

Levi almost asked if he wanted to talk about it, but that would probably be dumb. It didn’t stop him from tilting his head so it rested on top of Eren’s in what he hoped was a reassuring gesture.

✿

“Levi can I kiss you?”

He had been expecting this moment to come, for Eren to stop being a wimp and actually try to make some move. He hadn’t known how exactly he would breach the subject, but this was just so straight forward and so _Eren_ that Levi couldn’t imagine it going any other way. 

Levi turned his face to Eren, who was looking at him with a hopeful expression. Instead of answering verbally he just leaned forward and pressed his lips to Eren’s. 

The kiss was soft and hesitant at first, until Eren fully comprehended what had happened and threw himself into it fully in that passionate way only he could pull off. It was really nice, Eren was really nice. The kiss went on for a good few minutes before they broke away.

“Are you ready for Hanji to start planning the wedding?”

“Are _you_ real for Mikasa to try and rip out your throat?” 

“Pft, like she’ll even get close to my throat.” 

The two of them start laughing and Levi thinks back to when Hanji first came up and Eren said that he looked nice when he laughed, or something along those lines. Levi presses his forehead against Eren’s and the brunette giggles quietly while Levi’s mouth settles into a pleased grin. Yeah, this is nice.

✿

The laying on the roof soon turned into cuddling on the roof and Levi was disturbed about how much he liked cuddling. The cuddling soon turned into making out and the making out soon turned into awkward hand jobs and blowjobs. They both laughed awkwardly at their inexperience, Levi found it hard to admit that _no he has not been in a relationship before_ while Eren just kind of said mostly off the bat that this was his first relationship. 

There was a conversation at one point of “Yes I knew I was gay, I’ve jerked off before. What about you?” 

It didn’t take long for Eren to start asking to come to Levi’s house, but he never offered to take Levi home to his place. To Levi it seemed that neither of them really liked home, or just were too scared to take someone home because whenever he brought it up Eren would dodge the question. They went on dates, held hands and were generally just a gross couple, but they never went to each other’s houses. 

Until one day Levi decided he’d had enough of this avoidance bullshit and brought Eren home. For all the complaining he did about not getting to go to Levi’s house he was really quiet while he unlocked the door. He knew there was a reason Levi didn’t want to bring him home, just like he had a reason he didn’t want to bring Levi home. 

The door swung open to a dark house and he could tell that Levi was holding his breath. When they walked inside Eren felt the need to be absolutely silent. Levi tugged on his hand as he led him through the house, given a murmured tour of the ground floor before leading him upstairs. The darker haired male pointed to each of the doors, naming where they led to. They were all just generic things, living room, kitchen, bathroom, another bathroom, bedroom, the study, my bed room… But at one point he stopped in front of a room and scowled at it. He gave a quick “My father’s room” before tugging Eren back to his room. 

Eren didn’t comment on how it was his father’s room, not his parent’s room. He didn’t comment on the way Levi paused at the door, or the way his face twisted unpleasantly like he had eaten something sour, or the way he almost spat the name. He didn’t mention it because he understood too well.

About three hours into their hangout in Levi’s room his father returned home. At the sound of the door opening and slamming shut the both of them tensed. Heavy footsteps tromped around downstairs as the two boys stared at each other, not making a sound. They heard the footsteps come up the stairs, go down the hallway, stop in front of Levi’s door before they continued on. Another door was opened, then shut, but they two of they stayed stiff. 

Eren left soon after. They both tiptoed downstairs and kissed briefly before we went home. He didn’t even have to ask why they tiptoed, didn’t even have to be asked to tiptoe. He just did. 

After the Levi’s house incident Eren mustered up the courage to bring Levi to his house. It was nowhere near as awkward as his has, and they were nowhere near as nervous. Levi didn’t ask why there was no room for a parent in the Jaeger-Ackerman household. 

Even with Mikasa being as imposing as she was, they spent more time at Eren’s place than Levi’s.

✿

It near Eren’s birthday when Levi finally asked about the key. The two have danced around the evening when Eren sat at the edge of the roof with the sun in his hair, making him look like an angel. 

They were fooling around in Eren’s rom— Mikasa was out with some friends— and he had just taken off his shirt when the shine of metal caught Levi’s eye. As they lay in post-orgasmic bliss Levi brought it up and the calm mood they had fell apart. 

He regretted bringing it up when Eren tensed next to him. He regretted bringing it up when Eren said it was his mothers. He regretted bringing it up when he heard how tight Eren’s voice was, how sad. He didn’t regret it when Eren finally told him his demons. 

“I was eight when my dad left, it was two years after we had adopted Mikasa. The last thing he said to me was ‘Promise me you’ll take care of your mother’ and being the good little kid I took it to heart. I thought that while I was around nothing could hurt mom. We were invincible. I was eleven when I realized he wasn’t coming back. My mom was so strong, she never let it show how much she hurt. But sometimes I would hear her cry in the middle of the night.” Eren took a shaky breath and Levi grasped his hand firmly before he continued. 

“When I was twelve two men broke into the house. My mom tried to get Mikasa and me to hide in a closet but when I heard the commotion I just… I thought ‘I have to keep that promise to dad. I have to take care of mom’ and I bolted out of the closet. They had… They… She had been stabbed in the stomach. They didn’t notice me at first, and I snuck into the kitchen and grabbed one of those big cooking knives. The ones mom always tell their kids not to touch but they do it anyways because they’re huge.” Eren had this faraway look in his eye, like he wasn’t really there next to Levi anymore, but instead he was back in the past when this was all taking place. 

“There was three of them. One of them turned and saw me come out of the kitchen, I think he said something condescending about little boys but I… I just stabbed him. Right in the stomach where they had stabbed her. I’m not sure how I did it, I was twelve for fucks sake, but I’m pretty sure the man ended up dead in the end. Another of the two left came at me but I… I stabbed him too. The third one grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and lifted me. He was choking me against the wall when Mikasa came in and…Finished him off.” 

His eyes focused back on Levi, tears welling up in their beautiful depths and pouring over onto his cheeks. 

“I took this key off her dead body.” And that was all he got out before he broke down. They sat there for a long while, Lei holding Eren to his chest as the other sobbed loudly. 

Two days later Eren gave the key to Levi, telling him that he wanted him to keep it. Levi tried to refuse it, give it back.

“If it means so much to you, you shouldn’t give it away.” Is what Levi said.

“You mean that much to me.” Is what Eren said.

Levi took the key, and wore it around his neck all the time.

✿

In the middle of summer Levi told Eren of how his father used to beat him. Eren freaked out, kept asking if he still did but some way or another Levi calmed him down. He reassured him that it was over, he had gotten tired of it. Eren still wasn’t happy but let the subject drop.

✿

Everything was perfect until Levi’s senior year. When the subject of college came up everyone got a little feisty. Eren was so set on Levi going to a nice college, somewhere he could get a worthwhile education and get a good job and live happily. Levi didn’t even want to go to college. He thought it was a waste of time and money. 

Eren just wanted the best for him, Levi just wanted Eren. 

By the end of his senior year Levi was getting into fights with Eren daily, they screamed they fought. Eren hit him once and wouldn’t stop apologizing until Levi hit him back. 

Hanji and Erwin tried to talk to Levi but he wouldn’t listen. Mikasa and Armin tried to talk to Eren but he wouldn’t listen either. Everyone was worried. 

Levi still wore the key every day.

✿

“I’m so fucking sick of hearing you nag at me all the time! Won’t you just fucking shut up for once?” 

“Levi! Godamn it why won’t you just listen to me? You’re always like this, it’s like you never think you’re wrong you just go off on your merry way and don’t even stop to consider that maybe this isn’t a good idea!” 

“Like you’re one to talk! Mr. “I’m always right and I know the perfect path for everything!” Why don’t _you_ understand that maybe this is the right choice for me!? College isn’t for everyone Eren, especially not me.” 

“In this day and age nobody gets anywhere without a college degree. It doesn’t matter how awesome you think you are, without a college degree you’re useless!”

“Oh! So I’m useless now? That’s it? I can’t do anything by myself?”

“Stop twisting my words that’s not what I meant!”

“Sure as hell sounded like it!” 

“Fuck you, Levi!”

“Naw, I’m not letting you near my asshole ever again. You got that?”

For the first time in weeks Eren seemed to quiet down. “Ever?” he whispered. 

Levi stared into Eren’s eyes, grasping what he had just said. The severity of the word ‘ever’. The key hanging from his chest felt heavy and he wanted to rip it off with guilt. This is not what he had wanted. This was nowhere near where this was supposed to go. 

“Ever.” 

There was a sense of finality in the way his voice cracked. In the way he turned around and left. In the way he cried himself to sleep because he fucked up. They both fucked up and he didn’t think he could fix it.

Levi still wore the key around his neck.

**Author's Note:**

> SWAG  
> i cant believe i wrote this it's 2am and it's longer than the work it prequels
> 
> also un-beta'd im sorry if you see any mistakes I didn't even proofread it


End file.
